Half my life ago, aged twenty-one and working backstage at a fringe theatre in London, I decided to “just get over” my phobia about being locked in things.
I deliberately left my mobile phone (still a relatively new reassurance in 2003) in the theatre upstairs, while I went downstairs to the pub toilets.
I’ll skip over what you’ll already have guessed happened: the screaming; being able to see my own increasingly terrified face in the full-length mirror as I tried to be heard. I’ll also skip over finally being chainsawed out, and the subsequent discovery that the lock had fused in the heat.
None of this is the point. Not anymore, at least.
The point for me today is how I got something far better than what I thought I wanted.
I thought I wanted to “just get over” a fear. Instead, the experience meant I changed strategy. I gave myself the gift of unapologetic communication.
I think communicating my feelings and needs has served me a lot better in my career and personal life than blaming myself for being scared and trying to suppress it would have done.
All my close friends and family, many clients and just about every staff member at anywhere I run workshops – including Write Sip Connect at The Century Club, Coffee & Creativity at Olympic Studios and Fiction and Memoir Writing at Riverside Studios– know I’m scared of locks. Telling everyone I’m scared and knowing someone will come and find me if I’m not back in a few minutes is a calmer, happier reality than ‘just getting over it’. In accepting the reassurance and stories I get in return for sharing this vulnerability, I get connection.
Sometimes fear is just fear. Sometimes it’s a muse in disguise.
What this experience also means now is that, when published and unpublished, beginner and experienced writers share their fear of feedback with me during our writing workout last week, I absolutely get it.
Some of them take that fear to mean they’re not ready.
But that suggests there’s such a thing as ‘ready’.
We don’t fear things that don’t matter to us.
When we listen to what we fear – in my case, being unheard, or unable to connect – which ironically is exactly what my new way of dealing with the fear meant I get more of – we can also hear what we want.
In art and in life.
Good writing isn’t perfect. It’s honest.
It comes from writers who aren’t keeping their readers at arm’s length by telling them what to think, the way I wanted to tell my brain to ‘just get over it’. They’re not suppressing. They’re connecting. They’re trusting the reader and building a connection as a result.
Coffee & Creativity at Olympic Studios, Barnes | 10-11.30am Friday 2 May
Grow your connections, build motivation and unlock inspiration in this creative networking event with a difference. Dr Rachel’s gently powerful facilitation provides a space to turn curiosity into creativity, wherever you are in your writing journey. Click here.
Come and Write This Week
(If you’re not in the UK, find your timezone here.)
Our next Writing Workout and Feedback is Tuesday 17 June. But first…
Writers’ Gym Mini-Episodes: Every Monday, Every Podcast Platform
Between series, we’re sharing weekly mini-episodes on writing and creative confidence building. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Click here.
The Writing Room | 11am-1pm Monday 28 April
Free for everyone on my mailing list (if you’re reading this, that’s you!). No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and ten minutes’ (totally optional) chat together at the end. Click here.
Fiction and Memoir Writing | Riverside Studios 7-8.30pm Monday 28 April
All the inspiration, support and techniques you need to weave initial ideas into fully realised stories. Dr Rachel’s prose-writing sessions are suitable for anyone over the age of 18. Whether you’re working on a story, novel or non-fiction, want some creative inspiration, or whether you’re intrigued by the idea of writing and want a creative outlet, this is the place to discover and develop your ideas and your voice. Click here.
Coffee & Creativity | 1-2.30pm Wednesday 30 April
Quality writing time and excellent company! Grab a coffee and have a mid-week chat, a write and then another chat with your fellow creatives. Free for members: type your discount code where indicated. Click here.
Writing Room EXTRA | 6-7pm Thursday 1 May
Members only: please check Voxer messages.
Coffee & Creativity at Olympic Studios, Barnes | 10-11.30am Friday 2 May
Grow your connections, build motivation and unlock inspiration in this creative networking event with a difference. Dr Rachel’s gently powerful facilitation provides a space to turn curiosity into creativity, wherever you are in your writing journey. Click here.
Write, Sip, Connect at the Century Club | 7-8.30pm Friday 2 May
Join us for an evening workshop with cocktails, where creativity meets confidence in a unique blend of writing exercises, discussion, and networking. Whether you’re an experienced writer, just starting out, or simply curious about the craft, this event is designed to boost your word count, confidence, and connections—all in a relaxed and welcoming space. Click here.
Writing Magic Realism | 1pm-2.30pm Tuesday 6 May
From literary and genre fiction to poetry, film and TV, magic realism expresses a deeper truth to the everyday. It lets our themes and emotions take physical form, and allows the worlds we live in within our own minds to become real places in the worlds we create. Click here.
The Writers’ Gym is part of Rachel Knightley Coaching: creative confidence for life, work and art. www.rachelknightley.com
You don’t have to be a member to join a Writers’ Gym session: visit here. But if you’d like to access our weekly programme for free, and receive 30% off all our other events, ask about membership at thewritersgym@rachelknightley.com