Rachel: 0, Washing Machine: 1.

Before I say anything else it’s only fair to make it clear that I was absolutely in the wrong. The washing machine was right. 

The washing machine is relatively new to its workplace. It arrived while its regular line manager (me) was on holiday a couple of weeks ago. It’s a much better communicator than its predecessor, with lots of new and intriguing beeping noises, all of which make perfect sense if you bother to read its manual (I didn’t). This morning was probably only our fourth-or-so meeting.

I loaded the washing machine, went off to work in another room and came back an hour later to no beeping, not the slightest whoosh, and a dark display screen. The washing machine had switched itself off. 

Stupid thing. 

I switched the washing machine on again, and pressed the buttons for the load I wanted. Again, it switched itself off. 

What’s wrong with you?

I reached to switch it on a third time. 

Then, I thought about a conversation I’ve had with my assistants about our coaching terms and conditions.

The reason I employed virtual assistants in the first place was the amount of my energy, time and the resulting stress that was draining me of the presence I could otherwise be putting into coaching. 

This was particularly around (all together now, freelancers), chasing unpaid invoices. One of the terms and conditions I have implemented now for tuition and coaching is the time in which an issued invoice is payable. After that time, the client will need to rebook. Most clients get it. A lot are freelancers themselves. But, in the very bad old days, I would feel physiologically stressed, upset and angry not because of the behaviour that resulted in the need for chasing but the lack of acknowledgement of the effect it had on my time. Don’t they realise… began a lot of my thoughts. 

But it never is – and never was – about what anyone else does or doesn’t realise. “They are”, as Helen Fielding’s Olivia Jules and the Overactive Imagination said to herself, “not thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves, just like you are.” 

And your reality is not defined by what someone else does or doesn’t see. Especially if it involves their own behaviour.

A wall is a wall. It’s not a wall because you reassure me it’s a wall, or I convince you it’s a wall. Nothing you say will make it any less of a wall. If someone wants to argue it shouldn’t be a wall, or isn’t a wall, they’re welcome to do that. It’s still going to be a wall.

Many years ago, a potential client phoned me asking me if I would come to an area that was too far for me to get to. I was wandering around Waterstones Piccadilly at the time. They asked repeatedly when I could come to a location I had already told them I couldn’t, but I had time available in the moment, and repeated myself sufficient times to wander up all five floors of Waterstones Piccadilly (and down again to the basement stationery department) while still repeating the pre-existing boundary: my work hours and locations were not compatible with their request. I looked at the books, made grateful noises while they explained they’d rather have me than any of my deputies who were available in their area. I kept thanking them for the compliments, and kept repeating the options that did exist, in different words, until they were ready to hear me. When they were ready, they would hang up and make their decision either to choose an existing option or to look elsewhere. 

“Sorry,” I said to my new washing machine. It was, after all, only trying to communicate to me that I had overfilled it and it couldn’t safely take on the extra workload. Who better to understand that than a freelancer?

I opened my washing machine’s door, took out a few items, and tried again. The washing machine is washing as I write this. And I’m going back to write, then coach, and be present in both because – like my washing machine – I can only offer the best version of myself when I honour my boundaries.

Boundaries exercise:

1. If I waved my magic wand, what would I want the other person to understand?
2. If they don’t understand it, is it still true?
3. What is the truth, whether they understand it or not?
4. What if they don’t need to understand it? What would that look like?

Grab a writing workout at the Writers’ Gym this week:

Your Writing Career: 9 July, 1-2.30pm

Formatting for Publication: 10 July, 1-2.30pm

Retreat Day at the Writers’ Gym: Saturday 13 July

This week at the Writers’ Gym

This Monday, the Writing Room will be going ahead as usual except for one aspect: me…

I’m off recording my first audio drama for Alternative Stories, so today’s Writing Room will be run by loyal Writers’ Gym member and personal assistant, Vanessa. You’ll be in excellent hands. Wishing everybody a very happy and creative start to the week and see you on Tuesday for Writing Careers at 1pm.

This Week:

The Writing Room | 11-1pm Monday 8 July 
FREE for everyone on my mailing list (if you’re reading this, then that’s you!). Time and space to think and write with like-minded people. No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and unmuting for ten minutes’ chat at the end. Click here

Your Writing Career | 1-2:30pm Tuesday 9 July 
Whether you’re considering your first steps into professional writing or are looking to expand on the writing career you’ve already begun, this is the place to clarify the aims, markets and networks that will get you where you want to be, and how to make sure you treat your ‘dreams’ as the goals they truly are. 30% off for members. If you need to a reminder of your discount code, email info@rachelknightley.com or book by clicking here

Formatting Workshop | 1-2:30pm Wednesday 10 July
Whether you’re entering competitions, submitting to agents or approaching friends and colleagues for reader responses, formatting your work correctly is just as important as the writing that goes into it. In this friendly and informative workshop, Dr Rachel Knightley will show you how to get the best out of formatting your work and how to do it correctly. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated. Click here

Writing Room EXTRA | 11-1pm Friday 12 July 
Members only: please check your Voxer messages for this link.

Retreat Day at the Writers’ Gym | 10:30am-6:30pm Saturday 13 July 
Join fiction and non-fiction author, lecturer and business and personal coach Dr Rachel Knightley (Twisted Branches, Beyond Glass, Your Creative Writing Toolkit, WJEC Eduqas GCSE Drama Study and Revision Guide) for a day of tutored writing workshops, quality writing time and one-to-one coaching. 30% off for members. If you need to a reminder of your discount code, email info@rachelknightley.com or book by clicking here

Members and VIP Members: please use your exclusive codes on any online workshops to activate your discount. Forgotten/lost your code? No problem: just email info@rachelknightley.com or ask Rachel in the Voxer app.

Listen to The Writers’ Gym podcast with Rachel Knightley, Emily Inkpen and Chris Gregory on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms.

In our darkest hours, imagining is the bravest and hardest change we can make.

I wasn’t young enough to believe in pixies and unicorns when I discovered the Beatles, but I was certainly young enough to still believe in adults. 

The Beatles were grown-ups to me, when I discovered them through watching A Hard Day’s Night and Help! during the TV celebrations of Paul McCartney at 50 (June 1992). It was years before the eras they went through artistically and personally, and the sheer time the group was active – or, in the case of John Lennon, alive – became visible to me as terribly short. 

One reason for that realisation taking longer than it might, I suppose, was the death of my friend Sophie at twenty-five. Sophie and I were in youth theatre and university together. She’d been given the all-clear from cancer at least once, and had beaten the odds in living as long as she did. Which, obviously, didn’t make it any less cruelly unfair. The Sponsored Write I run for Macmillan Cancer Support exists because that was Sophie’s chosen charity. One of my key memories of Sophie and her influence on my life was when I confided in a pub one night at the end of my gap year how afraid I was to go to university. My sixth form experience had been the worst two years of my life. I’d come out of it believing (not thinking; deeper and less conscious than that) there was something incurably wrong with me; that others would never accept me (entirely based on my relationship with that one year group). Sophie told me university was nothing like sixth form. You didn’t have to do what everybody else did; the sheer numbers of people were too great for anyone to even notice, let alone have a problem with what you chose to do or not do. If you wanted to sit in a cafe and read instead of go clubbing, you got on with it. Just being who you are. 

It was unimaginable.

But it was true. I came out of an atmosphere of bullying and shame into a world where you chose what you did based on who you were.

Speaking of unimaginable, I see that same quality of ‘unimaginability’ when a client has been living or working in environments that aren’t right for them. I’ve talked with people who genuinely believe the even when they’ve left their job the boss will still be calling them at home with demands. They can’t imagine that not being the case. I’ve talked to others who genuinely believe their lack of enjoyment or being themselves in a relationship mean every relationship will feel like that. As a result, it can seem like a ‘crazy dream’ when I offer a ‘what if’ along the lines of what a different experience might look like. Different has become unimaginable.

Imagine is a word I try to keep with me. It’s not only about the end result – world peace – but the beginning of the journey: individual peace. Imagination is a life skill; it’s very unlikely the world will make the first move in terms of improving our situation without a little direction from us. Each day contains a handful of opportunities of imagining who we are and what we want to see in our world. However good or however bad things are in it. 

A few days ago, I was sitting with my friend in the area of Central Park named Strawberry Fields, which, I realised via explaining it to her, is a place named for a song named for a place. The original Strawberry Fields is the children’s home in Liverpool John remembered from summer fetes from his childhood. This Strawberry Fields is very close to the Dakota Building, on the corner of 72nd Street across the road from Central Park where John lived – and where he died, at two years younger than I am now.

From far away, twenty-something-year-old John once looked like an adult to me. I have to have faith that from just as far away, as I get older just as when I was younger, I will keep on remembering how very much time every day contains and that knowing it is going to end is not a reason not to start. Whether that’s in my art, work or life. The changes are always scary. But what if my life can improve if I let myself imagine, just as Sophie encouraged me to do when I’d given up?

My ten-year-old self wasn’t wrong about the Beatles. They were grown-ups; they were amazing. They always will be. And however short I see their time as now, my best and worst times have taught me how very, very long each moment can be and it’s on me to keep imagining what I want to create with them.

Join the Writers’ Gym for a Writing Workout this Monday, 6.30pm 
and for Coffee & Creativity this Wednesday, 1pm-2.30pm.

Secure your exclusive anthology by sponsoring Green Ink Sponsored Write for Macmillan Cancer Support.

View this month’s full calendar at https://www.writersgym.com/events

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/chronological-versus-fractured-narratives/id1674424465?i=1000660982535

In this episode Dr Rachel Knightley and Emily Inkpen look at the ways in which writers use time in their storytelling.  From linear narratives following a traditional chronology to fractured, repeating and circular narratives we compare them and look at the advantages of playing around with time in your work.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/foreshadowing/id1674424465?i=1000660259470

Dropping hints about events to come in your stories can raise tension and add depth and interest to your work.  In this episode we look at the art and technique of foreshadowing and ask why should writers consider it an important tool in their skillset.

For this week ONLY at the Writers’ Gym…

I’ll be leaving you in the very capable hands of my fantastic assistant Bella for the first part of this week. Join her in the Writing Room this TUESDAY 11am-1pm, free to everyone on the mailing list as always.

I’ll be and rejoining you all on Thursday evening at Riverside Studios then for members’ Writing Room Extra on Friday morning and to end the week with Coffee & Creativity on Friday afternoon…

The Writing Room | 11-1pm Tuesday 25 June 
FREE for everyone on my mailing list (if you’re reading this, then that’s you!). Time and space to think and write with like-minded people. No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and unmuting for ten minutes’ chat at the end. Click here

Writing to a Brief: Freelance Writing Toolkit | 7-9pm Thursday 27 June 
Join me at Riverside Studios, Hammersmith for all you need to know about applying for writing work and assignments, and asking the questions that allow you to find freedom rather than pressure in your deadlines. Click here

Writing Room EXTRA | 11-1pm Friday 28 June
Members only: please check your Voxer messages for this link.

Coffee & Creativity | 2:30-4pm Friday 28 June 
Quality writing time and quality company! Grab a coffee and have a mid-week chat, a write and then another chat with your fellow creatives. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated. Click here

Members and VIP Members: please use your exclusive codes on any online workshops to activate your discount. Forgotten/lost your code? No problem: just email info@rachelknightley.com or ask Rachel in the Voxer app.

“Rachel, I’ve got something to tell you. You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

I swallowed, as every safe-guarding bone in my body went into hypervigilance and began to tell my young LAMDA student, “I can’t promise that. But I can promise I’ll do everything I can to help you with whatever it is –” 

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s my mum’s birthday. I want to write a speech for her.”

Every bone in my body moved from hypervigilence to utter joy. 

“It’s a big birthday. You have to not tell her because it’s a surprise. Can we do that speech as well as my two exam speeches?”

There is a special kind of happiness in any kind of coaching for when a client (of any age, and certainly not just one who has a qualification involved at the end of the process) voluntarily asks you to help them up their game. Writing and speaking are the world’s most transferable life skills, so seeing someone enjoy their LAMDA pieces enough to grow in confidence and apply what they’re learning to other areas of their lives absolutely makes my day.

So please join me in a big congratulation to Sid, not just for this thoughtful (and, I hear, very successful) addition to his mum’s birthday celebrations but his and his older sister Shradha’s distinctions this week at Public Speaking Grades 4 and 5.

This is absolutely why I love what I do. As a writer myself, as a speaker myself, and as a coach of writers and speakers of all ages. Because when it’s done from a place of truth, and love, it celebrates exactly who we are. I’m so glad I came to business and personal coaching through a background in communication and performance, in that order. The vocabulary of coaching (not telling someone what to do but listening to how they think, how they feel and discovering how their unique character fits their words and deeds best) was always what got the best out of the actors, speakers and writers I was working with, and out of me. When you dig for the truth – what you truly mean, truly want and, yes, truly fear – you find something unique.

Congratulations Sid and Shradha – and happy late birthday Varsha!

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/short-fiction/id1674424465?i=1000659469713

In this week’s episode we’ll look at short fiction and the skills and techniques you’ll need to master concise storytelling.  We discuss the pros and cons of writing short fiction and some of the drawbacks and limitations of the form.  As usual we end with a writing challenge from Rachel. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/relationships-in-fiction/id1674424465?i=1000658720467

In this episode we talk about relationships in your fiction and how they can mould and shape your stories and the arcs of your characters. We explore the ways in which characters interact and consider sources of conflict and interest in these interactions.  From dysfunctional families to romantic attachments via warring parties and long-held feuds we hope to provide you with some ideas and  inspiration for writing your own fictional relationships.

Maintaining boundaries around things we love is a different kind of difficult to when it’s other people’s time, or money, or love, we’re protecting. 

The chat at the end of yesterday’s Writing Room included us congratulating a writer on saying a significant “No”. 

Some writing work had come in for them during their two hours they’d put aside for doing their own writing, here in the Writing Room (if you haven’t joined us before, it’s a free silent space for writing, or co-working of any kind, unmuting for a chat at the end. Join us any Monday morning). 

The “no” in question was the best kind of “no” when it comes to boundaries around things we do, actually, want in our lives. 

‘Sure,’ the “no” went. ‘I’ll be on it after 1pm” which is when the Writing Room ends.

I’m not the only writer and/or freelancer in that Writing Room who recognised and celebrated that victory. Victories of self-esteem and free will, of noticing our choices exist and making them actively, are the core of being a good line manager to ourselves. 

And it can be bloody hard. 

Maintaining boundaries around things we love is a different kind of difficult to when it’s other people’s time, or money, or love, we’re protecting. If we’ve booked time with a friend, or for work, it’s easier to recognise our own unavailability. But writing time is a contract with ourselves. Sure, emergencies may come along. But what we accept from ourselves as “reasons” not to show up for our writing are always worth checking in with.

Am I being a supportive boss to myself right now? Or am I taking myself for granted?

The Writing Too conversation went on to what happens “when” someone comes into the room we’re writing in and starts talking to us. I remember being on both sides of this, and how surprised I was many years ago when a family member snapped at me, apparently (to me at least) out of nowhere when I thought I’d just been being friendly. It was being on the other side of that which helped me realise a boundary-pusher isn’t a boundary pusher if they don’t know the boundary is there. 

Another example I hear from time to time is “Oh yes, I reinforced the boundary… but then they were so insistent…” 

A wall isn’t a wall because somebody else acknowledges it. It exists independently of their acknowledgement – or lack of acknowledgement.

That’s why I’m sharing this, because most or all of us are on at least one side of it any given day:

Our next workshop is Feedback: How To Give It, How To Take It: Wednesday 12 June at 1pm.

Or, join us Friday evening to start the weekend with Cocktails & Creativity, 6.30pm-8pm.

The Writing Room returns next Monday, 11am-1pm.

Listen to The Writers’ Gym podcast with Rachel Knightley, Emily Inkpen and Chris Gregory on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms. Next new episode, Relationships in Fiction, airs tomorrow morning.