Hurrying was easy. Carrying everything, slightly too fast and on my own, was straightforward. 

I could congratulate myself for surviving.

For multitasking. 

For keeping the wheels on.

For putting the fires out.

The biggest surprise in my psychotherapy and coaching journey, almost ten years later, remains my relationship with time. I didn’t really know I had one. A race? Possibly. Not a relationship.

This tin lives on the bookcase behind my desk:

As with any writing and confidence habit, we have to want it first. The clearer our picture of what we want, the clearer our plan can be for making it happen. The more connected we feel to the ‘reps’ that take us closer.

The thing I want to never say again – as I said to all my friends and all my potential writing time ten, fifteen years ago, even if I didn’t phrase it like this – is “I don’t have time.” 

When the truth will always be, “Actually, it’s all we have.”

I’ve got better about creating time since I’ve got better at looking myself in the eye and asking the two questions beneath everything else:

‘What do you want?’ and ‘What do you fear?’ 

One of the big answers for me has always been “time to write”. I’ve made steps in that direction since (and because) I acknowledged how important an objective this was for me. When I put boundaries around my time so when I’m off work, I’m off work, and when I’m seeing clients I’m seeing clients, and when I’m writing I’m writing, each ‘rep’ is more muscle memory. I’m getting used to lifting those weights.

Fifteen years ago, a seven-day working week was worse than normal: it was a point of pride. Okay, on Sundays I “only” taught one hour down the road from where I lived. But there was not a single day my mind spent out of work-mode and my creativity suffered for it. Not just on how (little) I wrote but how (little) I valued my own time, skills and potential as a result. I thought – no, it was far more automatic than that; assumed – that not stopping to think or feel showed I was good at what I did. Now, the opposite is true. I know you get a better quality of Rachel when I’m as present in my moment with you – whether we’re in a coaching relationship, a writing workshop or a coffee shop. Everyone in my life benefits when I remind myself the only person who can make time to go deeper in my experiences is me.

But none of this is the reason I love having this tin in my sightline when I approach my desk in the morning, or feeling it behind me as I move through my day. It reminds me of something even deeper, however fast I’m moving:

I don’t need to get this ‘right’ first time. Possibly, there is no ‘right’ at all. 

What I do need, is to give myself time. To take time. To take one authentic step at a time, in the directions that matter to me.

And there will be time. 

Find out more about writing and confidence coaching, along with the full Writers’ Gym weekly programme, on the website.

Catch the next episode of The Writers’ Gym Wednesday morning, or catch up on all the others, on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms.

I used to call it laptop racing. It needed (or I thought it needed) at least one other writer (so we could mind each other’s laptops), and a reliable supply of cake and coffee (hence the need for laptop-minding). 

It helped. It more than helped. It kept me moving forward with writing at a time when anxiety took up too much of my ‘what if’ circuitry for creativity to get the disc-space. 

Ten years and four books later, nothing has changed in terms of cake and coffee. Or the usefulness of seeing other writers at their laptops or notebooks. I don’t need it necessarily, but it’s still the emotional seatbelt that keeps me at the wheel when otherwise it would be much easier to stall. 

More importantly, now creativity gets more of my ‘what if’ disc-space, I know it was never about whether I ‘should’ need. It was about recognising how well it works for me, and putting the creative energy into making it happen, creating the circumstances in my life that served my intentions. Which begins with recognising how successful, enjoyable and reassuring it is – not just for me, but for my network of published and unpublished writers alike.

That’s why every Monday, from 11am to 1pm, everyone in my community is invited to drop in (or stay the full two hours) and write in a free online space. 

We unmute for ten minutes at the end of the session for a chat about life, the universe and writing, and the chat box is open throughout. 

‘Show Don’ t Tell’ is probably the loudest writing cliché out there, and it’s not just useful on the page. I show myself I’m a writer at the start of every week, simply by being there. 

What one newcomer said last month about being able to see other writers (including, with those who turn off their cameras, simply the presence of other writers):

“I’m in a world of my own but I’m not on my own.”

That felt like a very good expression of why writing (and reading) are so satisfying, and of how much more of ourselves we can give the other people and things in our lives when we are reliably refuelling ourselves with the space and time we need for our internal world. 

Drop in to the Writing Room this Monday, any time from 11am to 1pm (free every Monday).

Grab a creativity and confidence workout with Writing the Self: Memoir, Life-writing and Fictionalised Experience, Wednesday 1pm-2,30pm.

Join us for Coffee & Creativity Wednesdays, 1pm-2.30pm.

Subscribe to the Writers’ Gym podcast on Apple or any of your favourite platforms.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/writing-with-nigel-planer/id1674424465?i=1000656342994

In this episode of the Writers’ Gym Podcast we’re joined by actor, comedian, novelist and poet Nigel Planer for a discussion about his writing life and the challenges of working on a memoir.

Newsletter 17 May

Back in the era of my life when journalists were those fictional creatures called “grown-ups”, I remember reading one of them explaining how every other forty-something-year-old s/he spoke to seemed like a proper adult, while s/he was just pretending. 

That I still know, decades later, that I read it, though not where or who wrote it (to give you an idea of tone, if it wasn’t Tim Dowling then it should have been) shows me something was already ringing true, even then. But it rings a lot louder once you areone of those forty-something-year-olds, and the universe still hasn’t whispered definitive instructions; hasn’t passed you that how-to manual you remain a little bit convinced exists somewhere and everyone else read ages ago but remains stubbornly out of your eye-line.

Dr Rachel Knightley at the Writers’ Gym is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is why it’s such a joy introducing Isabella Barbieri, my former MA student at Roehampton University and now my newest member of staff at the Writers’ Gym. I’ve experienced first-hand Bella’s impressive writing and editorial skills; I’m also delighted to be sharing such a friendly example of the difference between what ‘award-winning’, ‘qualified’ and ‘published’ feel like on the inside, versus what they look like on the outside! Here I am speaking to Bella earlier this week:

In addition to welcoming Bella to the team, we have another ‘first’ at the Writers’ Gym this week. InkCouragement is the writing and creative confidence webinar giving personal training for the thought habits that underscore what we write, or let ourselves write, before we’re anywhere near a pen. It’s free to members and everyone is welcome. Submit questions anonymously using the chat box on the day, or email them in advance to info@rachelknightley.com. I was so happy to receive this feedback from participants; there’s nothing more satisfying than creating the thing you know belongs in your world and seeing others benefit from it:

Inkcouragement returns Tuesday 18 June.

My conversation with Bella reminded me that Impostor Syndrome doesn’t go away, but nor does it need to as long as we can move beyond expecting our thoughts and feelings to change, and instead change how we listen to them – because that’s a creative muscle we can exercise far more easily and authentically. “What if,” I remind myself before everything I do, “everyone out there is just as scared as I could ever be?” Then it stops being “How can I convince/impress my audience?” and becomes “How can I welcome y audience to my space?”

A reminder that comes back to me every week for one reason or another, either for a client or a friend or for myself, is that grown-ups are like dragons or gryphons or unicorns: a lovely idea, but they don’t exist. The only person who decides what a grown-up version of me looks like is me. The more authentically I listen to what that means, the less it’ll look exactly like the next person – whether that’s how and what I write, dress, do or choose to be. 

Obvious to say, but not always to feel. So, this is my Creative I-Dare-You to myself and anyone else who wants it this week:

With any (maybe every) choice that comes up, ask yourself in curiosity:

“If I were writing the script, what would my character choose to do now?”

Take ourselves off autopilot, and we might just find we were the one writing the story all along. 

Join the Writers’ Gym this week:

Friday 17 May, 11am-1pm: Writing Room EXTRA Members only: please check your Voxer messages for the link.

Monday 20 May, 11am-1pm: The Writing Room FREE for everyone on my mailing list. Time and space to think and write with likeminded people. No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and unmuting for ten minutes’ chat at the end.

Tue 21 May, 1-2.30pm: Writing the Self Memoir, Lifewriting and Fictionalised Experience. Find the story at the heart of the experience and the skills to share it with the audience you want. 30% off for members. Free for Writers’ Gym founder members and VIP members: type your discount code where indicated.

Wednesday 22 May, 1-2.30pm: Coffee & Creativity Community time to talk, write and share work, ambitions and celebrations. 15 minutes’ chatting time either side frames the writing time, to move forward in your creative work.

Thursday 23 May, 7pm-9pm: Your Creative Writing Toolkit at Riverside Studios. Join me in person at Riverside Studios. Book with discount code CREATIVE20 so they know you’re a member or friend of the Writers’ Gym!

Friday 24 May, 11am-1pm: Writing Room EXTRA Members only: please check your Voxer messages for the link.

Plan your writing workouts from events listed up to a month ahead, or request your membership booklet on the website.

Catch the latest episode of The Writers’ Gym podcast on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms.

Soon, though sadly not yet, I’ll be able to tell you how very much I enjoyed my interview for Kayleigh Dobbs, recent debut author and delightful mastermind behind the Happy Goat Horror website and podcast, who I spoke to yesterday afternoon (No spoilers for today, except that it will be out in three weeks’ time). 

Kayleigh was mainly asking about my writing, but she also shared with her listeners how far-reaching her writing and confidence coaching experience with me had been. She said, among many lovely other things, the ‘advice I gave her’ was helping every day. 

Dr Rachel Knightley at the Writers’ Gym is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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‘Did I definitely give you any advice?’ I asked.

She realised, of course, that I hadn’t. 

Coaching asks questions, clarifies authentic, individual answers, and strategises for success based on what success means and looks like for the individual client. So, mainly what I had done was clarify: what Kayleigh wanted in writing, what she wanted in life. It’s powerful questions that stay with a client, along with the curiosity (which is what true confidence feels like) to hold and ask themselves about their circumstances, and objectives, every day. 

While I do step into the shoes of writing mentor at Roehampton University, Riverside Studios and in mutually agreed, clearly defined areas with private coaching clients, I am a coach first. Coaching, unlike mentoring, is not telling you how to use the equipment (although its results may well do). It is designed to be what one of my favourite authors on the subject calls a ‘thinking partnership’ (Nancy Kline, Time to Think), one in service of and focused on the client. It discovers, in a space of curiosity, what’s behind your choices, so you can make them based on what you truly want. 

Advice, when it does come in the coaching relationship, comes from the one person who knows the client best (and whose voice emerges in the dedicated, confidential and safe time and space, honestly, curiously, and without judgement): not the coach, but the self.

The best writing advice – like the best life advice – isn’t advice.

Last Christmas I talked (and mimed) about this on Instagram and TikTok with the video series The Best Writing Advice is Never About Writing. The best advice, which we can be there for other writers with, is all about how we treat ourselves. That’s what ticks beneath our writing – and, especially, beneath our lack of writing. It’s so easy to think we can give the car petrol as a reward for the journey. You’d never do that to your real car. Yet we can be so good at treating our own bodies and minds exactly that way. It doesn’t make us bad people. Usually it means we’re trying very hard to be good. 

Above all in coaching, what I hope my LAMDA students (six to eighteen years old) and my writing, speaking, life and confidence clients (eighteen to eighties and nineties) have in common as a result of their time with me is, like Kayleigh, that they’re noticing rather than judging their writing, thoughts, feelings and behaviour; treating today as the first draft it is, reading it back honestly to themselves and creating choices for the next version with deepened understanding of what they fear and strengthened focus on what they want. 

This is my Creative I-Dare-You to myself this week and anyone who wants to join me:

I dare us to spot the permission we are looking for in others to take time to write, or to do whatever other acts of self-investment fuel the car – and give ourselves that permission. And see (as we already know we will) we’re a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, writer and speaker for taking the time to refuel.

Read about coaching here or join me at the Writers’ Gym this week:

Monday 13 May, 11am-1pm: The Writing Room. FREE for everyone on my mailing list. Time and space to think and write with likeminded people. No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and unmuting for ten minutes’ chat at the end.

Tue 14 May, 12.30-2pm: Writing the Self Find the story at the heart of the experience and the skills to share it with the audience you want. 30% off for members. Free for Writers’ Gym founder members and VIP members: type your discount code where indicated.

Wednesday 15 May, 12-1pm: InkCouragement Webinar Bring your writing and confidence questions for anonymous, supportive and practical tailored personal training. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated.

Thursday 16 May, 7pm-9pm: Your Creative Writing Toolkit at Riverside Studios. Join me in person at Riverside Studios. Book with discount code CREATIVE20 so they know you’re a member or friend of the Writers’ Gym!

Friday 17 May, 11am-1pm: Writing Room EXTRA Members only: please check your Voxer messages for the link.

Find out more on the website or request the membership booklet from info@rachelknightley.com

Catch the latest episode of The Writers’ Gym podcast on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms.

I’m breathing a sigh of enormous relief as I type this. Not because of what I’m writing, but because of where I’m writing it. This week I made the move off Mailchimp to bring my whole audience to Substack. So, I’m no longer repeating myself in your inbox if you got both newsletters (for which, if you did, many thanks!) and can welcome to what I hope you’ll find a much more intriguing neighbourhood. 

For any of you completely new to Subsack, this is where many of my favourite authors – including Tom Cox, Jennifer Steil and Hanif Kureshi – moved here to connect directly with their readership. I came here first as a reader, which is of course how I came to writing, speaking, coaching and directing. I’m not the only person you can enjoy reading for free (or taking the option to support the work of, and I particularly recommend the three above): just sit back and enjoy the thought pieces and newsletters, and/or connect with me however works best for you: through comments, chat or through info@rachelknightley.com. Whether you want to develop your writing muscles, or your delivery to an audience through public speaking, whether you’re a LAMDA Exams or business and personal coaching client, the thought pieces and newsletters are a great way of keeping in touch and getting added value on your writing, speaking and confidence: the world’s most transferable skills.

Obviously and straightforwardly helpful as this move to Substack has been, it still evoked an enormous amount of overthinking. The answer at the heart of my overthinking – as with so much overthinking – was to recognise I knew exactly what I needed and wanted to do. That, rather than doing the actual thing, was the hard bit. It never stops being a surprise how much easier the world looks after taking a step that gives you more time with yourself. Which, in my case, equals writing time. I love that phrase, ‘writing time’. It’s an inbuilt reminder we can create more time, more of the circumstances of our lives – just as we can create more words – than it is often easy to realise, or acknowledge; than we are conditioned to believe are our right.

This is my Creative I-Dare-You to myself this week and anyone who wants to join me: 

I dare us to spot the time we have the right to take.

Join me at the Writers’ Gym this week: 

Friday 3 May, 12-1pm: Writing Workout. Boost your confidence and your word-count with creative exercises, discussions, tips, techniques and community. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated.

Monday 6 May, 11am-1pm: The Writing Room. FREE for everyone on my mailing list. Time and space to think and write with likeminded people. No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and unmuting for ten minutes’ chat at the end.

Monday 6 May, 6.30pm-7.30pm: Writing Workout. Boost your confidence and your word-count with creative exercises, discussions, tips, techniques and community. Free for Writers’ Gym members. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated.

Wednesday 8 May, 1pm-2.30pm: Coffee & Creativity. Community time to talk, write, and share work, ambitions and celebrations. Free for Writers’ Gym members. Free for Writers’ Gym members: type your discount code where indicated.

Thursday 9 May, 7pm-9pm: Your Creative Writing Toolkit at Riverside Studios. Join me in person at Riverside Studios. Book with discount code CREATIVE20 so they know you’re a member or friend of the Writers’ Gym!

Friday 10 May, 11am-1pm: Writing Room EXTRA (members only: please check your Voxer messages for the link).

Find out more on the website or request a membership booklet at info@rachelknightley.com

Catch the latest episode of The Writers’ Gym podcast on Apple, Spotify or any of your favourite platforms.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/inspiration-versus-perspiration/id1674424465?i=1000655619334

In this episode of the Writers’ Gym Podcast with Dr Rachel Knightley and Emily Inkpen we’re looking at inspiration and perspiration and whether one or other of them is the predominant force in the lives of our presenters.  As usual we have advice, anecdotes, ideas and a writing challenge that listeners can participate in.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/writing-across-genres-with-gareth-l-powell/id1674424465?i=1000654875604

In this edition of the Writers’ Gym podcast we are joined by the award-winning novelist Gareth L Powell to talk about his work across several genres.  Known primarily as a science-fiction author, Gareth has also written thrillers and fantasy. His guide for writers “About Writing : A Field Guide for Aspiring Authors” (Gollancz 2022) was described as “Brilliant” by The Guardian.  In this conversation with Rachel Knightley and Emily Inkpen we discuss Gareth’s career and hear his advice for writers wishing to focus on a single genre or expand their writing into new genres.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/music-and-writing/id1674424465?i=1000654123393

In this edition of the Writers’ Gym Podcast with Rachel Knightley and Emily Inkpen we’ll look at the relationship between music and writing.  We’ll explore music as inspiration and motivation, music as a creator of moods and as an accompaniment to your work and books inspired by or suggested by music.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/character-building/id1674424465?i=1000653404700

In this episode of the podcast we’ll be looking at the art of generating characters for your fiction.  We’ll look at the secrets of creating believable and authentic characters that can drive your story forward.  Emily and Rachel will talk about their own characters, the inspiration behind them and the ways in which they have shaped events in their fiction.